We all have a basic need to be seen, heard, understood, and validated non-judgmentally, or in short: a need to be connected and loved. It’s nice when we get that from a kind stranger, but so much more powerful when it comes from somebody who has been exposed to us in a multitude of flattering and not-so-favourable situations. It is especially healing if we are understood even if we really mess up. Surprisingly enough, understanding the pain and needs behind the behaviour of others, is healing, too.
Sadly, most of us never learned the skills necessary to create a warm, deep, and powerful connection in a relationship. We re-create what we have learned in our family of origin and add, if we are lucky, some extra ideas. Most of us also fall prey to the Hollywood idea of “happily ever after”. Of course, real life is not like that.
The dearest person in our life can – in a split second and in any given moment – become the most annoying and irritating one. Conflict is normal and supposed to happen. The secret is not in how to avoid conflict but in learning how to repair it fast and effectively. It’s mainly skills and intention – especially if we take into account that an average of 69% of relationship problems are unsolvable (perpetual) according to Gottman.
A marriage (a long-lasting committed relationship) is a sacred place for growth and healing. Are you ready to experiment with easy and proven methods from Gottman, Imago, and EcCT (Encounter-Centred Couples Therapy) to create a deeply connected relationship?